Say what, you may ask?  After all of these blog posts encouraging tolerance and being open minded to other and to all parts of yourself, you are writing to encourage us to make enemies?  Especially now, during hte holiday season?  Well, actually, yes.  Based on research I recently read about how we tend to thrive when we have a nemesis, I hereby not only approve, but encourage you to make an enemy, use it to help you improve, and have some fun with it!

In order to make progress in any goal, you have to make some changes.  And change, if meaningful, creates enemies – either within you or around you.  Change creates discomfort, and with it, there will be a natural push back to keep the status quo.  These enemies of change can be simply our own inner critic with words of self doubt,  a cigarette pack on the store shelf when you are trying to quit, or a tv commercial  luring you to snack on sweets.  

Research shows, and we know from our own experience, that we are very responsive to a good rivalry – your team versus the other, your party versus the opposition party, etc.  Besides the sense of belonging we crave as a tribal people, rivalry defines us.  When we choose a rival, we clarify the distinctions between us and we more clearly define ourselves.  Having a rival also pushes us to improve and to stick to our goals.  Would we have made it to the moon without the space race?  Would here be a Muhammed Ali without a Joe Frasier?  A rival can keep you focused on your improvements and drive you to maximize your potential.  

So in thinking about any goal or change, I am sure you can think of a few potential enemies that will no doubt get in the way.  If you are trying to write or complete a project, procrastination may be your enemy.  If you are trying to eat healthier, the donuts that your co-worker brings in every Friday may set you back.  Or, as many of us find, our own inner critic may be our worst enemy, with self hating statements that eat away at our confidence.  By identifying these threats to our goal as our rival, we create a distance from them.  And when we are tempted by them, we can identify their tricky lure as a way to get one over on us!  (I had someone in my quit smoking class that thought of cigarettes as the devil.  Each time he had a craving, he told himself that he was “no longer going to dance with that devil.”)

So, procrastination, I see you in that newspaper longing for me to leave the computer and read you!  And donut, looking so full of yummy frosting, you will not beat out my morning healthy routine.  And the shame I feel in mixing up a meeting time, beware.  I will not let you get the best of me this time, and not let you take over my self confidence today.  I am strong and I can do battle against my enemies of temptation and old patterns!  I am a healthier habit warrior!  Care to join my team?  I  bet we can have some pretty cool uniforms!