Like many people, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday:  great food, togetherness, and very little commercialism. I also really love a holiday in which we take the time to think of all we have to be thankful for.  Most of us know by now the many psychological and health benefits of expressing and cultivating gratitude (the famous gratitude list in which each night you write down things you are grateful for really does decrease depression and increase positive feelings) from the field of positive psychology.  But I am thinking bigger about being thankful this year.  I feel the urge not only be thankful, but to truly give thanks.  Showing people that I appreciate them is such an easy thing to do, makes people feel so good, and yet, most all of us don’t do it as often as we could.

First I can start with just noticing things and saying words of thanks.  Over time I fall into routines with people, especially with my family.  I learn to expect certain things as part of our day to day living and the give and take of family life.  I could go out of my way to really say thanks and notice the little things that people do because of the bonds we have with one another.  I can see my husband’s hauling the trash down our hill as more than just a chore, but as a way that he shows us our family matters to him.  I can truly recognize how grateful I am to my friend who meets me each week to hike, even when it makes it hard on her schedule for us to go together.  

Another thing I can do to give thanks is to do something to be helpful.  I could appreciate being cooked for by doing dishes, or express my thanks to a neighbor by pulling in their trash cans.  I remember years ago, in our old house, our neighbor across the street mowed our lawn for us, without saying anything, just because he knew we did it every Sunday.  Sometimes those unexpected encounters, where we show someone we notice them by doing something to help them, makes us all feel more connected.   

And how about just listening?   We all underestimate how hard it is, but know how amazing it feels, to have someone just listen.   I am so quick to interrupt, give advice, or check my phone while someone is talking, without even realizing it.    Time and attention literally cost me nothing, and yet, they are the most precious commodities.  So many misunderstandings happen because people are so concerned with being heard, that they can’t really listen.  

So this year as Thanksgiving passes, I want to make sure my good intentions last longer than the five pounds I’ve gained.  I want to go beyond the words of gratitude I shared around the table before the meal (and before the NY Giants got beaten) and put my words into action.  It literally takes so little to make someone else feel so big.

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