It’s such a fun time of year with graduations all around the community. Every college, high school, and even your local elementary school has their ceremony to honor the achievements of our young people.  Besides the academic success, just getting through the social dramas and bureaucratic tangles is something to celebrate! But I am reminded of some advice I learned from my studies (and find to be true in experience) about accomplishment.  That after achieving any goal, even ones you have longed for your whole life, there can be a let down. Understanding this phenomenon can be helpful in keeping yourself on track.

The wave of disappointment that often occurs after success was named the “arrival fallacy” by Harvard expert on positive psychology, Tal Ben-Shahar.  (I would assume a Harvard grad would have had have some!) He describes it as “the illusion that once we make it, once we achieve our goal or reach our destination, we will reach lasting happiness.”   He posits that this is why so many celebrities struggle with depression and substance abuse. They may start out unhappy with the dream that once they make it, they will be happy. After they achieve their goal, they are happy for a little while, but it doesn’t last.  Then there is a hopelessness that couples with the unhappiness.

The old adage that it is the journey, not the destination, seems to be true, at least for long term happiness.  A promotion or a degree will definitely get you more money and open doors that are important for your well being, which contributes to your quality of life.  Most of us are raised with the values of the American Dream – work hard and achieve success, and you will be happy. But once you achieve a goal, life doesn’t magically transform to being a bed of roses.  You are still the same person you were before, and now you may have even more stress or pressure in your new role.

So what is a hard working person who wants to be successful to do?  Don’t stop setting goals, the experts say. In fact, the pursuit of goals can contribute to happiness.  As long as these goals bring value and meaning to your life while you are pursuing them. If you want to be a successful comedian, the process of writing jokes and performing, no matter where, will bring you contentment.  Getting your own HBO special will be the icing on the cake. We are a future oriented people, Dr. Ben-Shahar notes. We need to have goals. But he suggests having multiple goals in multiple areas of your life, both in and outside of work, can help keep you balanced.  And watch out for any sentences that sound like: “I’ll be happy if I can just achieve X.” With all the focus on the perceived benefits of the outcome, we set ourselves up for arrival fallacy.

I remember it well.  After the initial tickle of calling ourselves “Dr.” wore off (especially when people seemed disappointed we were not cardiologists or orthopedic surgeons) we all felt a sense of depletion.  All the years of schooling, all the classes, oral exams and dissertation, we had finally arrived. I had my doctorate hanging on the wall, but I was in tears, sitting at my computer, worrying about getting licensed.  I almost quit. I had fantasies of owning a doughnut shop, early mornings and selling things that instantly made people happy. But luckily deep down I knew that I loved psychology and that the doctorate and license were just vehicles to do the work that I enjoyed, not the end in themselves.  (And I am a terrible cook and would just eat up all my profits, anyhow.)

So my advice to any graduate, or any person who achieves their goal, is to celebrate while you can! But celebrate the process of what it took to get there and the reasons you are doing it. Then kiss your friends and family who supported you along the way.  Spend time with them and share what is important to you. Then set some new goals that also matter. Lately I have been thinking of life as a series of summits in climbing a mountain.  You climb and climb, and then when you arrive, you get a new view of another stage of the climb ahead that you couldn’t see before. Life is never about arriving at a final destination while you are living it.  But it is so important to put down your pack, grab a good snack, and enjoy the view.