Like many people this past week, I’ve been grieving the loss of the Notorious RBG.  As with the passing of many of our great leaders, it gives us a chance to have perspective on their life’s accomplishments and how this will translate to a future legacy.  But somehow for me the passing of RBG feels so personal,  like I have lost someone so dear to me, even though I never met her.  This got me thinking about the role of role models, and how even in my 50’s it helps to have someone to look up to.

Role models, as defined by the  Center for Parenting Education are people who influence others by serving as examples.  They are often admired by people who try to emulate them.  “Through their perceived qualities, behaviors, or achievements, they can inspire others to strive and develop without providing any direct instruction.”  I certainly greatly admire Justice Ginsberg, as her work on behalf of equality was brilliant, persistent, and took great skill and courage.  She emulates many of the values that I hold dear such as showing strength without sacrificing kindness, appreciating the power of words to express and influence, and carefully crafting her dissents to stand against a majority when she felt it was right.  She valued relationships and humor, her actions often embodying her quote “you can disagree without being disagreeable.”

But there is also something personal for me in my connection to Justice Ginsberg.  She felt familiar.  Like her, my grandmother Rose and my mother, Irma, were Jewish girls raised in the synagogues and libraries of Brooklyn.  Her sense of style and decorum, intellectual discourse, and dedication to service reflect the strength of the women who raised me and who made it possible for me to pursue my goals.  I was lucky to be surrounded by these influences and somehow, when Justice Ginsberg evolved into the cultural icon of RBG, it felt like validation.  It gave me hope to see the love, by young women as well as older women, for the ideals and intellectual prowess Justice Ginsberg demonstrated.  With so many reality stars and pop culture celebrities dominating the media, the celebration of the life and accomplishments of Justice Ginsberg as the “elder stateswoman of feminism” (according to the NY Times) felt like a breath of fresh air and a renewed commitment to the values of justice for all and a fight against oppression.  Seeing her face on t-shirts and tote bags, and even on the cup I use to drink my coffee, gave me a sense of pride in us as a society that we valued her values.

We all need to feel this sense of connection to people who look like us and sound like us that are celebrated as a valuable part of our society.  RBG represented this for me and so many women, and for that I am so grateful.  Role models open up a sense of possibility for who we also can become and blaze a trail for how to get there.  In my reflections about my connection to Justice Ginsberg it occurs to me that to find a good role model we need to feel the person is enough like us that we feel a common bond, but different enough from us that we want to learn and grow in their direction.  

As a parent, it’s a big responsibility to make sure that our kids have good role models, whether as teachers, coaches, religious leaders or political leaders.  But we also need to be  keenly aware of how our kids closely watch and imitate what we do, so much more so than what we say.  Our kids will like who we like, approach their problems in the manner we do, and view the world through the lens we provide for them.  As I get older and watch the passing of many wonderful people, I am grateful for their legacy in understanding the importance of not just having a good role model, but in being one.

Thank you for opening so many doors for us, our dear RBG. Your memory will certainly be for a blessing.