My daughter spent a semester in London this past Spring.  It was a wonderful experience for her and educational on so many levels.  Prior to going, the business program prepared the group by offering insights about subtle and not so subtle differences in how the British relate.  In visiting her and talking about her internship experience, she shared with me how being mindful of these differences was key in developing good relations with her coworkers.

Tea is, in fact, a big deal in London.  If someone offers to make it for you, it’s important to reciprocate the effort.  When you are riding the Tube (the train system), British people don’t talk. If you do talk, expect that everyone will know you are American and will listen.  When eating, you use the back of your fork, not the front, and going out for a “swift pint” is a common invitation after work. But more relationally, small talk is very important in London, but it tends to be about the weather, transportation, or even politics as opposed to personal information.  It is considered impolite to ask about family or share about your children until you know someone well. Politics, on the other hand, is much less sensitive. Compared to the eggshells people walk on around political opinions here in the US, it is considered part of small talk. In fact, some of the first things people asked her about was Trump, while no one ever asked about her family or if she had a boyfriend until near the end of her time in their office.  

It would be easy to misinterpret these differences, especially regarding small talk.  You might act rudely without knowing it, or think that no one cared because they never asked more personal information about you.  It got me thinking about how many layers of cultural interpretation we live with every day. In the melting pot of our country, we have become more aware of the need for understanding cultural differences, and most people try to educate themselves.  But what about our more hidden or less obvious cultural differences? I’m thinking that we are all raised in unique households that develop their own cultures by the blending of people and personalities. In deconstructing my own family culture growing up, it was a mix of Depression era habits (we put catsup on spaghetti!), New York Brooklynisms (Mets, not Yankees, Giants, not Jets and we drink Cawfee, not coffee) and Eastern Eurpean Jewishness (some trauma related paranoia, Yiddish insults, and of course, cake after your brisket).  Combine that with my husband’s Irish Catholic historical influence (he notes for example you would never hire anyone to fix what you can do yourself and suffering is a virtue) and this creates a whole new culture for our children in how our own family histories are blended.

We go through our days assuming others think and act in the same understandings as we do.  Especially if we think of ourselves as similar to someone, we make assumptions that may not be accurate, especially regarding motivations or intentions.  Travel is a great way of stepping back from your own experience and recognizing that most things we assume to be the way things are done or assume to be true, aren’t necessarily the way things are or have to be!  Her stories invite me to think about the cultures we are raised in on many levels (family, extended family, neighborhood, town, State, Country) and how this might influence the way we experience the world. It can affirm our commitment to traditions, but also free us up to make changes.

Discovering that most people eat pasta sauce on spaghetti at my best friend’s house was life changing.  But I must admit with some embarrassment, when I’m home alone on a rainy day and I’m feeling blue, a good bowl of noodles with a squirt of Heinz and a sprinkle of Kraft Parmesan is somehow oddly comforting!  Just goes to prove that taste and perspective is all in what you were raised with!