I was thinking about all the young people graduating this Spring, coming from a strange year of Covid isolation and home schooling out into the big wide world.  And then I was talking to both of my daughters, one recently graduated and the other still in college.  Each was strongly affected by the isolation of the pandemic, relying gratefully on a few engaged professors or workplace mentors to make their way in unfamiliar, yet intensely complex landscapes.  It got me thinking about the power of connection and the need for mentors, not just any mentor, but reliable, trustworthy and compassionate ones.  Especially in a year of declining mental health in our young people and soaring rates of anxiety, the power of just one person with experience and integrity can be monumental.

When our kids are young, we worry about who their friends are, if their teachers and coaches will be good role models and support our values, and, hopefully, try to be good role models ourselves.  But as they get older, they naturally move in larger circles and have new authority figures and people who influence their lives in important ways that we know nothing about.  It takes a great leap of faith to trust that these influencers will have our young people’s best interests in mind and if they will offer the kind of support that will help them grow.  Research strongly demonstrates the benefits of having good mentorship in lowering rates of absenteeism and isolation and increasing self confidence and career engagements and promotions.  And research also supports the benefits of a mentoring relationship on mentors, who showed greater job satisfaction and reduced anxiety as a result of providing mentorship.  Clearly mentoring has a positive influence on both parties.  But what about when it is not?  Research also shows the detrimental effects when we feel taken advantage of or mistreated by a person with great influence.  It can have a long lasting effect to shut down young minds and curtail developing ambitions.  

And you don’t have to be young to have the need for good mentorship!  Just this week my boss expressed a compliment for something I didn’t think he had noticed about my work. I was surprised at how much it meant to me and the impact it had on my sense of self at work. Especially in this difficult year, working in the isolation of one room in my own home without the benefit of others to bounce ideas off of or from whom to get a reality check with, it’s at times completely crazy making.  In this atmosphere of isolation, we’re left alone with our own fears and insecurities growing unchallenged inside our minds.  The intimacy of mentorship breaks this self fulfilling loop and allows us to practice expressing our thoughts and test our ideas in the light of day before we act on them.  We get feedback and support as well as a person invested in our success.  How often did we all assume that the people on our screens were better informed or were judging us in some way?  How hard was it to read the intentions or feedback from an audience of two dimensional images who frequently froze up or couldn’t hear or see us?  Zoom fatigue is a common phenomenon, even for those with years of experience and confidence in their social skills.  It’s been a minefield for young people trying to find their voice and their place among their peers.

I will be forever grateful for the people who have and will guide and support my children, no matter their ages.  And for the people who guide and support me, no matter my age!  It’s truly a pay it forward process of giving and receiving throughout our lives.  Nobody makes it on their own, we all have help and people who came before us as our guides. And we all have a sphere of influence, no matter our age or our roles in life, with which we can offer others support and connection.  I can’t imagine a better time to reach out to someone as we come out from behind our screens and step into life once again.