This past week, having survived the evacuations and power outages caused by the Kinkade fires in my county, I’ve had an interesting re-awakening to the meaning of community.  While being more of an introvert who lives in a rather remote home environment, the realization of how vulnerable I am as an individual was never more apparent than when faced with a looming natural disaster.  The networks of relatedness and dependency became all too clear as we each sat and listened to the radio for news from our community leaders, texted one another to check in and share information, and offered one another resources, many families sharing homes (thank you Hart Kaufman family!), volunteering in evacuation centers, and providing food and care as needed.  Whether we are aware or not, we are all part of multiple layers of community including family, friendships, religious or spiritual, political, social, professional, and the list goes on. This weeks post is an homage to this interconnection that we too often take for granted.

The dictionary definition of community involves both a boundary and a relationship.  The boundary aspect is defined as “a group of people living in the same place or having a particular characteristic in common.”  This can be your County, your neighborhood or your housing. It can also be your ethnicity, your religion, or your love of hummingbirds.  We are all complicated beings with many possible layers of community defined by our our unique combination of both inherent and chosen identity characteristics and interests.  The relationship aspect of the definition of community involves “a feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals.” It is our tribal human nature that once we define ourselves as having something in common, a sense of bonding or camaraderie tends to follow.  

Particularly in California culture, the Western notion of individual achievement and autonomy of spirit is valued.  We think of the lone cowboy riding off on his horse for our history and the brilliant home grown entrepreneur of modern day heroics. But the fact is, that no one lives without community and we all reap the benefits of that collective structure.  It is the very essence of civilization and society providing us with rules to live by, streets to drive on, and places to feel safe. But that all feels so abstract, until a fire bears down on your home and smoke fills the air. Suddenly and with great clarity, we come to see how much we need each other.  Community provides resources and knowledge. It provides support and comfort, and it provides leadership and opportunities for service. There is nothing that bridges differences better than a shared sense of community effort.  

As people return to their homes and the smoke in the air clear, I hope we can all keep the spirit that holds us together during these tough times.  Personally, it has encouraged me to take a look at my own sense of community belonging and how it has changed. I don’t have children in the local schools any more, and this was a big source of community for me for many years.  Replacing community feels to be an important effort that I could easily ignore. Over time, layering disconnections can lead to isolation. I see this in my work every day, the breakdown of family and social connections that leads to depression and isolation.  It’s very hard to be alone, but it’s also very challenging to join in once you feel like an outsider.  

When I think about who I am, I think about myself as an individual:  Romanian, college graduate, psychologist, New York Giants fan. But every one of these pieces of identity is within a community that offers the opportunity for connection.   It does take effort, but stepping up and out of my comfort zone is an important thing to do for my emotional and physical well being. Community gives me a sense of purpose and belonging when times are good and resources and support for times when I need help.  Disasters can come at any time and in many forms for each of us: fire, drought, divorce, illness. The old cliches still ring true: No person is an island and we all need someone to lean on. And if you’ve watched the NY Giants this season, you know how true that is.