I was attending religious services to observe the Jewish New Year and was struck by some commentary at the bottom of a page containing a prayer for peace.  It pointed out that the Hebrew word for peace, shalom, is derived from a root word, slm, which actually means “whole” or “complete.”  The commentary went on to explain that this translation inferred a much more active meaning to the concept of peace.  Rather than being the absence of hostility or conflict, peace as wholeness involves an active process of coming together.

I loved this idea.  In order to create peace, the active sense of the word, it requires work.  Wholeness or completeness is only obtained by recognizing all voices and finding a resolution that incorporates both of the people or nations involved.  Peace as wholeness is not achieved by silencing a group or an opinion, rather true peace is created by incorporating needs and ideas. In this way, peace is inextricably linked to respect, fairness, and justice.  

I believe this is not only true for finding peace between peoples, but within ourselves.  Inner peace is a dynamic process, rarely achieved by cutting off your feelings or ideas or pretending you are a certain way only.  When we can open our tolerance to the full experiencing of our needs and fears, desires and dreads, we become more complete.  We have less anxiety and more self compassion.  We do not need to numb ourselves or uncontrollably act out what we attempt to deny.  We live more fully and authentically when we make peace between our own inner conflicts.

Peace obtained without wholeness rarely lasts.  Whenever I work with couples, the work doesn’t truly make progress until both partners feel heard and respected.  When one member feels overpowered or submits, the conflict will re-emerge in another form.  The same is true for inner peace.  Stuffing our anger or avoiding our pain only tends to reroute it.

So this holiday, as I say blessings for my loved ones and the country and world for true peace, I‘m thinking a little differently about it.  Rather than blessing them with it, I have to take more responsibility for it, offering more wholeness within my relationships and creating more completeness within my community.  And as our Presidential election approaches and with the country so divided, I will not only need to pray for peace, but reach out to the “other side” to create it.