It happens to me all the time.  I get home from a long day and I’m starving.  I put down my bag, take off my jacket, and stride into the kitchen thinking, “What do I want to eat?”  Immediately the crunchy texture of the garlic bread I just heard advertised on the radio emerges, followed by the creamy sensation of the salted caramel ice cream I know is hiding somewhere in my freezer.  As my senses enjoy considering my options, I cannot for the life of me remember what a healthy meal is or why anyone would want one.  And that is the danger of asking.   Considering choices in the short term can actually get in the way of sticking to what we actually know we really want in the long run.

Having a set plan in place is critical for any big change.  The fewer choices you have, the less room there is for temptation.  If you ask yourself “do I want a cigarette on my break” or “should I have a drink at the party,” you’re halfway to having them.  Of course you want one!  And now you must negotiate the ambivalence around the possibility you introduced by the question.  The more you can think ahead to eliminate your options to stray, the easier it will be to stay on track.  Have the menu for a healthy dinner set in motion before you walk in the door starving hungry.  Know what walking route you will be taking before you leave work, because when you have to decide, you’ll start thinking about how tired you are and how you might really prefer to take a shorter walk, or even walk around the mall rather than the trail, and then while at the mall, you might grab dinner instead.  The more decisions we have to make, the more wiggle room we create.

Obviously, planning every step of your life can quickly become tedious and restrictive.  So try to focus on making a set plan for the times when you are most vulnerable to temptation.  Think about your day and week ahead.  What are the points when you tend to stray from your desired habits?  Create a list of trigger points and make a plan especially for those times.  If it helps, make a list of three choices for each of those moments, so you have some flexibility, but all acceptable choices.  For example, instead of dessert after dinner, list three options:  a walk around the block, brewing a cup of tea, or playing solitaire on the computer.  It also really helps to have other people involved.  If your plan is to meet a friend for a bike ride or grill fish for dinner with your partner, the doubled investment in the plan will make it more likely to stick.

When it comes to long term change, spontaneity may not be the best strategy.  Why make it harder on yourself by creating tension each time you have to decide to “do” or “not do” a behavior?   A question by definition poses uncertainty.  So, when you hear yourself contemplating what you already know, recognize your question for the trap it could be.  While questions are an important tool for learning, they may not be the best tool for consistent doing!