Often we think of change in terms of the goals we’re trying to achieve and the changes we’re hoping to make.  But sometimes the most influential change comes from circumstances we do not choose.  Life brings unexpected changes that alter our lives in profound ways.  Getting laid off from a job, finding out you have cancer, or having someone close to you die are all normal parts of living, but they can sure make life feel abnormal.   Even events that are positive, such as a promotion, can come about as a surprise, and with it comes a period of adjustment.  Today’s blog will offer some ways to cope with sudden changes, with the hope it may help support you when you need it.

The most common reaction to a sudden change is to ask the question, “WHY?”  We wonder what brought about our fate, racking our brain for some kind of explanation that helps us to make sense of things.  But early in our coping, it may be better not to focus on the why.  While it’s a normal response to try to help us gain control over what feels beyond our control, it can paralyze us in a state of helplessness.  Often the answers to “why”come later, when we have both the perspective and time to make meaning out of what has happened.  In the short term, try to focus on the “whats.”  What can I do about it?  What CAN I control?  What support or help can I ask for?  What information do I need and what is my next step?

There is a normal process of grieving in every change, but especially in sudden, unexpected change.  Along with the loss of how things used to be, there is the loss of a sense of safety and predictability in the world.  It’s normal to feel overwhelmed and vulnerable.  You may experience sleep disturbances, problems concentrating, appetite changes, and an extreme preoccupation with your situation.  These are all normal responses as your mind and body process the change you’re going through.  Make sure you eat good food and take Vitamin B to help your body’s resilience against stress.  Get any amount of exercise you can, even if it’s just a brief walk.  Research shows that moving your body helps move stress through us and helps our brain process more holistically.  Educate yourself about your situation, but only from trusted sources.  Going on the internet to find a diagnosis may only make your fear and sense of vulnerability worse.  Schedule time for meeting with people you care about and who you feel safe with.  Focusing on what you do have in your life is a help to the pull of feeling all is lost.

In time, whatever change you have been subjected to will become the new normal.  Your life may never go back to the way it was, but it will become stable once again.  It’s then that we can find meaning in our growth from the change or evaluate what lessons we can learn from the circumstance.  But in the meantime, be good to yourself.  Don’t expect yourself to remember to pick up the milk or send the birthday card.  Life in transition can feel crazy and chaotic, even more so when you watch everyone about you going on with their lives while our own life feels blown apart.  I have a friend who wanted to wear a sign that said, “My mother just died,” so people would understand her distractedness.  To the extent you feel that you can, go ahead and let people know what you’re going through and what you need. Now is the time to let people help you and for you to be open to new experiences.  Sometimes it’s the small unexpected blessings that help us endure the times of big unexpected change.