Change inherently means loss.  Even when you make a change that’s for the better, it means letting go of old ways, old relationships, and maybe even an older version of yourself.  Recognizing this loss as a process of grieving can help make sense of what you are feeling as you go through changes and help you cope with the array of mixed emotions that usually come along the way.

When a change happens that we didn’t want, it’s easy to understand our sense of loss.  But it can be confusing when we feel irritable or sad when we actually experience a change we’ve desired.  “What’s wrong with me?” you wonder.  Sometimes what you’re missing is obvious (like the cheesecake for dessert), but there’s also the unfolding of more subtle layers of your loss as you experience life in a new way, having given up someone or some previous way of being.  Even with a change you initiate, like moving to a new place or starting a new job, giving up the sense of yourself you had in the old environment can be difficult.  A new hometown or a new job can make us feel we have lost our identity or even our competency as we take on unfamiliar challenges, compared to the life we had mastered previously.  I remember simply finding a doctor when I moved to California being rather stressful.  It was hard not only because so few that were recommended were taking new patients, but it signaled to me that everything I had known and trusted was no longer available to me.

Giving up an old habit can be like losing a friend.  It had always been there for you when you needed it.  Even though you might have wanted to make the change for a long time, such as losing weight, going back to school, or drinking less alcohol, there will be a period of time where you feel that something is missing.  Be good to yourself.  Sadness, irritability, and questioning why you are doing it in the first place are all part of the process.  Recognize these feelings as part of your mourning period and then think about all the good things you will gain by what you are giving up.  It might also be good to give yourself a few extra treats at this time, such as a massage, dinner date, or something else you enjoy.

Don’t be afraid to talk to people about how you feel.  You’ll be surprised at how many people can relate to what you feel in response to your changes.  Just as change is inevitable, so is loss.  Grief comes in waves, but you eventually learn to live with the new reality.  Do what you can to calm the waters of your life, but also build yourself a good boat of support until you can make it to smoother sailing.