Sometimes a big event happens in your life that creates a lot of stress.  You lose sleep, worry, and clearly know that you have to take steps to take care of yourself during these times, even if it’s hard to actually do.  Because the stressful event is so noticeable, the people around you offer support, and although it’s very hard, the help is a silver lining.  But there is another type of stress that happens to us that can equally be as dangerous.  The problem is, because of the nature of it, we’re not even aware of it and don’t give ourselves or get the help we need.

This type of stress is known as the stress escalator.  It occurs when small, but significant, stressful things build one on top of the other, slowly raising your stress level.  Because it happens slowly, and piece by piece, you may not even realize that you are there, at the top of the stress scale.  You wonder: “Why am I so irritable, tired, and unhappy?  And why, no matter how I rearrange my schedule, I can’t get everything done?”

What tends to happen during a stress escalator ride is that when faced with a few small stressors, we try to cope by working harder and putting in more hours to deal with the situation.   In order to get extra time, one by one we cut out the things we think of as optional.  Unfortunately, what we tend to think of as optional are the experiences that refresh and recharge us.   They are usually the very things that help us cope with our stress and reverse the negative impact on our bodies and minds.

For example, a woman I worked with, Maria,  came to see me wondering what was wrong her, thinking she may be depressed.  When I asked about the stress in her life, she told me nothing big was happening.  But when I asked her to describe her life, she told me a long list of things, including a recent company merger with a heavier work load, her aging mother moving to an assisted living facility while she and her sister had to pack up their childhood home, and her daughter being bullied at school.  When I asked about what helped to reduce her stress, Maria told me she does Zumba, or did when she had time.  She also liked to have coffee with her friend, but hadn’t been able to do that either.  She used the time to get errands done in order to feel less stressed.

Maria had been riding the stress elevator to the top floor.  No one thing that had been happening to her made her think that she was in crisis.  However, in order to cope with each of her smaller circumstances, she cut out exercising and social engagements, leaving only the work without any respite.  She was exhausted, depleted, and hadn’t had any time to process the emotional impact of her mother’s illness, her fears of not being good enough at work, or her daughter’s well being.  When she was able to step back and look at her situation, Maria actually felt relieved.  No wonder she was feeling so tired and miserable.  It was only then that she could begin to give herself the rest she needed and ask for the help required.

Does this pattern sound familiar?  You could be riding the escalator, too.  The next time you think it would be more helpful to get the list of things at Costco instead of going on your hike, or picking up the house instead of going to bed, remember the escalator.  We need to have a way to go down whenever we ride it up!