I’ve been finding myself feeling stuck lately.  In several areas of my life I’m waiting for some big changes to happen that are out of my control.  I’ve been frustrated and even a little cranky.  The changes, although they don’t involve me directly, will have a big impact on me (my husband’s work situation, for example). I was in a wait and worry mode.  Not my best skill.  I’ve been preparing for the change, obsessing about the change, and wanting it to happen already!  And then it hit me.  I was putting myself in a passive role, “waiting on the world to change,” as the song says.

Then, finally, I had an epiphany.  If I want some change, I need to make some change!  And so I signed up for a class and started another new activity.  And although I’m still in a holding pattern regarding the other matters, I feel better having taken some action. It was another reminder of the power of choice.  Whether small or significant, making choices prevents you from being a passive victim of circumstances and enables you to better align with what matters to you.

The psychological benefits of making choices are well documented.  Making decisions reinforces the sense of being an active participant in your life, giving you a sense of control and autonomy.  Consistently making choices and navigating the outcomes, positive or not so positive, builds confidence and agency.  Active and thoughtful decision making prevents being impulsive and reactive and helps us grow as we evaluate our decisions and the values we hold that inform them.  Every decision you make, big or small, shapes your life over time.  They accumulate to be the essence of who we are and what legacy we have in the word.  Not small matters!

Even by not making choices, we’re making choices that impact our lives.  But sometimes, although we know we need to do something, we can’t move forward. A key psychological phenomenon known as Learned Helplessness is a contributor to depression.  It happens when we feel that nothing we do makes a difference and we stop trying. Our feeling of helplessness causes us to give up and stop trying, even when we have the ability to do something.  Another reason people don’t make choices is the fear of making a mistake. The fear becomes so intense it paralyzes us and we shut down, causing inaction and passivity as well.

At least once a year I try to reread the book Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. The book combines a memoir of his experience in a Nazi concentration camp and the development of his psychological theory he names Logotherapy.  Despite the unimaginable suffering he witnessed and endured, he noticed how when people could find a “why” in their experience they could endure almost any suffering.   It is such a powerful reminder that even in the worst of circumstances we can choose our own attitude and our own responses.  This is a powerful underlying theme to a school of psychology called Existential Therapy.

Existential psychology centers on the premise that we are totally responsible for the consequences of our decisions.  Through the process of confronting our anxieties around making choices and bearing the full responsibility for our lives, we free ourselves up to define our own values and live authentically. The goal of this type of work is to face our existential fears (thought to be normal anxieties of the human condition) of mortality, meaninglessness, responsibility and isolation by creating our own paths and our own meaning in life.  The things we do to avoid responsibility, such as following predetermined life paths or blaming others, only leads to unhappiness and more anxiety in the long run. 

Heavy stuff, right?  But powerful and relevant!  Whether I’m stewing about the latest political outrage or wondering what to have for breakfast, I’m making choices in everything I do.  And while this can be burdensome and overwhelming, it also supplies broad opportunities for change.  It brings motivation and clarity by empowering us.   Even if it was merely taking a simple class online or starting a new activity, the process of making a change in response to feeling helpless was transformative.  It gave me energy and a focus.  Now go out there and make a choice – it just may mean something!