Being early January, many of us are in action-mode for our New Year’s resolutions.  We’ve neglected our self care routine, gained a few pounds, binged too many shows, and are now attempting a reset.  Along with it, if you’re like us, you’ve engaged in some pretty mean self-talk and have been harsh with yourself, thinking this is necessary to motivate change. So, for my first post this new year I think it might help to get back to basics.  Rather than beating yourself up, it’s time to switch your mindset from your “character” and how it lacks, to focus on your “habits” and how they can be changed.  To do so, I introduce you to the “Golden Rule of Habit Change”.

According to Charles Duhigg, the author of The Power of Habit, every habit has three components:  a cue (or the trigger for the automatic habit to start), a routine (the behavior itself), and a reward (which is how our brain learns to remember this pattern for the future).  Changing your behavior is a matter of replacing the routine, or behavior, with a new one, while keeping the cue and the reward the same.  This is known as “habit reversal training.”  The first step is to identify the three components of the habit loop.  For instance the cue might be feeling stressed, the response may be biting your fingernails, and the reward is relief or distraction from the stress.  Next, you brainstorm for a new response that will replace the old one and initiate the reward.  For example, taking a quick walk around the house is a replacement for biting nails.  So the next time you get the urge to bite your nails, you go for a walk around the house and receive the relief of stress in a new way.  The cue is the same, the reward is the same, but the behavior is different.  Do this repeatedly, and, voila, a new habit has formed!

But it’s not that easy, right?  Of course not.  The problem is that habits are habits.  We do them in an automatic manner.  Usually we’re already doing the habit when we notice it, so it’s hard to replace!  This is where “awareness training” is key.  We need to be a detective to search for clues regarding the cues to the behavior so we can intervene before we engage in the behavior.  Focusing on what you experience, feel, or think before the habit takes some effort.  The more you can understand and be aware of what triggers the habitual behavior, the more power you will have to choose to do something different. 

“Most people’s habits have occurred for so long they don’t pay attention to what causes them anymore,” according to Brad Dufrene, a habit training therapist.  It helps to make a list of the usual situations in which you engage in the behavior.  Think about what may be common to these situations and how you may tend to feel at those times.  For example, when you’re bored waiting for something, when you’re upset about something and frustrated, etc.  Some therapists encourage making a habit journal for a period of time before you start to try to change the behavior to get more information about the triggers.  The better you can identify the cues and what reward you get out of the behavior in response to the cue, the easier it will be to swap out behavior habits.

Once you really understand your cue, the next step in our Golden Rule of Habit change process is to identify a “competing response.”  This is a behavior that can be done when you feel the urge/cue/trigger for the behavior and that will mimic the reward as best as possible for the outcome.  The more it is incompatible with the undesired old habit the better. For example, if you realize that biting your nails is a response to stress, and you notice a tingling sensation in your fingertips when you feel stress, then substituting a response such as rubbing your arm, putting your hands in your pocket, or picking up a fidget spinner might be a good response when you get that tingling sensation.  It prevents the nail biting by keeping your hands busy but responds to the physical cue of the fingers wanting to do something when you are stressed.  So the cues and the reward stay the same, but the behavior will change.

Once you find the competing response, do it over and over again.  You will have slip ups, but shift to the new behavior as quickly as you can when you catch yourself in the old behavior.  The deliberateness of the process helps to reprogram the brain until the new behavior is the habit.  Habit Reversal Therapy is now used to help people with verbal and physical tics, depression, obsessive compulsive behavior, smoking, gambling, and many other behavioral problems.  

Underlying the success of the Golden Rule of Behavior Change is the fundamental principle of habits.  Often we don’t really understand the craving or need being addressed by the habit, because the habit is doing its job to mask it with the reward!  So in taking the time to uncover the need or trigger your habit is serving, make sure you replace your habit with something also rewarding.  Think of some fun and silly behaviors that you would look forward to doing, like listening to a favorite old song, looking up a joke to share, or using a fun coloring book. Doing 10 push ups instead of eating a cookie is not going to produce the same response. You may get in better shape, but you may also feel punished instead of rewarded!