My grandparents had a chiming clock that I always associated with my love of visiting them in their NY home. I thought of them when I saw a sweet clock that, instead of a chime, had a little bird call at the top of every hour.  My brother was kind enough to get it for me for the holidays.  While I hoped I would like it, I never expected the level of joy it ‘s brought to my life!  Honestly, each hour when I see those doors open and that little guy emerge from his house to sing his tune, I smile.  Even hearing his song down the hallway makes me a little giddy and warms my heart.  What a lovely way to notice the hours of my day as they pass. It’s an endearing and consistent reminder that “little joys” can have a big impact. 

With the world feeling so overwhelming and out of our control right now, it helps to have a way to interrupt this negativity.  “Micro-joys,” as they are referred to, are a proven tool for stress reduction and can lead to a 25% increase in emotional wellbeing in just a week.  How, you ask, can such a little thing have these benefits?  Simple pleasures serve as mental “fuel stations” by replenishing positive energy.  They disrupt negative thought cycles and help to foster adaptability and mental flexibility.  These moments help regulate the central nervous system and lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol.  People who consistently engage in noticing small positive moments report more life satisfaction in the long term.  Appreciating a cup of coffee or a sunrise shifts the focus from what is lacking to a sense of abundance and contentment.

According to joy researcher Barbara Frederickson, these micro-moments serve as a bridge to other positive emotions.  In her “Broaden and Build Theory,” positive emotions broaden an individual’s thought-action repertoire: “joy sparks the urge to play, interest sparks the urge to explore, contentment sparks the urge to savour and integrate.”  The broadened mindset in these positive experiences contrasts with a narrowed mindset associated with negative emotions, such as depression and anxiety.  This is the “Broaden” part of her theory.  The “Build” part of her theory occurs as a consequence of these broadened mindsets.  In positive moments we are more open to novel and creative actions, ideas, and social bonds, which in turn lead to an increase in people’s personal resources.  These resources serve as a reserve that can be drawn on later to improve the ability for successful coping.  Joy lessens the time spent in negative mood states and broadens our mindset, which leads to us building our resources for improved resilience when we need it.

Increasing our micro joy moments simply involves an attentional focus, which sounds easy but takes energy and effort.  Some examples may help.  There are sensory little joys such as smelling flowers, listening to music, or savoring a good meal.  There are social little joys such as smiling at a stranger, sharing a laugh, or a small act of kindness.  There are mindful small joys, such as taking a long look at something in nature while taking a breath, or watching ripples in a pond.  And active micro-joys include a brief dance party, changing up your routine, or sending a positive text to someone you love.

The hardest part of small joys is remembering to do them on a regular basis.  Some people develop rituals such as writing in a gratitude journal every day or taking a mental break to do something positive at certain times of the day, such as when they get in their car or get home from work.  And maybe that is what is so effective about my little bird clock.  It’s an hourly joyous ritual that just happens for me.  Maybe we can make chiming clocks that you can personalize for your own little joy!  For my brothers, a chime of the Giants scoring a game winning touchdown, for my daughter, her puppy barking happily, or for my husband, an inspirational shout out to reward his efforts.  Whatever you like to hear that brings a smile to your face, make sure you surround yourself with it on a regular basis in the New Year! Tweet tweet!

After my post about the joy I feel in receiving a package, someone (perhaps a tall man I’ve lived with for 30+ years) brought up the question of addiction.  If purchasing something on-line creates the release of chemicals in the reward center of my brain that feels so good I want to do more of it , could this be considered an addiction?  I’m glad you asked, Mr. Someone, as it’s an important point to consider. 

We can in fact, become addicted to behaviors.  Behavioral scientists are researching the similarities and differences between substance addictions and behavioral addictions.  Behavioral addictions can occur with any activity that’s capable of stimulating your brain’s reward system, according to their work.  Behaviors such as gambling, shopping, video gaming, or even exercise, which we think of as a healthy behavior, can be potentially addicting.  Knowing when our behavioral habits cross this line is an important perspective to be aware of, I would agree.

The DSM-5, the manual of official psychiatric diagnoses, only lists gambling addiction as a diagnosable behavioral addiction in the subsection of “non-substance-related disorders” in the category of “substance related and addictive disorders.”  But according to researchers, this is only because other behavioral addictions lack a body of research evidence at this time.  A growing body of literature is supporting the validity of other behavioral addictions, like phone addictions, shopping, and viewing pornography.  In fact, the research suggests that any activity or habit that becomes all consuming and negatively impacts your daily functioning can cause significant mental, social, and physical health issues, as well as financial issues, in many cases.

So if any behavior can become an addiction, how do I know when my actions cross the line from a habit into an addiction?  According to researcher Mathias Brand, PhD, the line between activity and addiction lies where an activity that is positive or neutral takes a decidedly negative turn.  There are some guidelines for behaviors that do not involve chemical substances scientists have outlined to use to evaluate your relationship to these behaviors and signs to watch out for.

The first sign is importance.  How important is this behavior to your sense of yourself and how you live your life?  How much are you not doing other things to engage in the behavior?  In other words, is it taking priority in a way that doesn’t seem appropriate?

Another sign is prevalence.  Do you find yourself doing it more often and for longer periods of time than you intended?  This is the never-enough feeling.  You have to keep doing it and don’t feel satisfied by just a little of it.

The reward feeling is another sign.  Does doing the behavior make you feel better, specifically, more in control?  Or more often the opposite, does it cause you distress when you’re not doing it?  One way to gauge how reliant you are on the behavior is to consider doing without it.  Your emotional and/or physical response may be very informative. The higher the level of panic or pain you anticipate can tell you a lot about your need for the behavior.  In addition, the level of pain or shame you feel for having engaged in the behavior or for someone finding out about your behavior is also very telling.

One of the biggest indicators of an addiction is the disruption it causes in your life and relationships.  We only have so much time and attention. Is your behavior causing you to neglect other people or tasks that are important in your life?  Have other people complained or requested you to limit this behavior? Research shows that often it’s the significant people in our lives who can best determine if we are addicted to a behavior or not.  We tend to fall back into patterns when we’re addicted, called “reverting.”  We say to our loved ones, and to ourselves, that we’re going to limit our behavior or stop it, only to be pulled into the pattern once again.  We explain away our broken promises with layers of rationales as to why we need to do it.   We tend to minimize the negative impact of our behavior and overvalue the positives.  

All these signs are indicative of a habit that is controlling you.  Absent an outside chemical or substance that’s involved, it’s a part of ourselves – an impulse, pleasure, anxiety, and/or preference – taking center stage in our judgements and decision making.  When we cross over into addictive behavior, we overprioritize the behavior and lose our ability to see the impact and consequences of it with clarity or to act on this awareness the way we know we should.  

Soooooo…what do I think?  Am I an addict?  I’m on the edge, if I’m honest. I get a little nervous at the thought of not shopping online for a period of time and probably minimize its impact on my budget and my time allocations.  But, I would also say that just because I enjoy something, doesn’t make it an addiction.  Fortunately, I don’t feel it controls me and I’m not feeling the need to hide it from anyone.  But it probably crosses the line sometimes when I get into a rabbit hole of scrolling through choices of purchases or get excited when an item goes on sale that I wasn’t even thinking about wanting or needing before I saw it.  

But the most telling thing is probably the little sense of emptiness I feel if something is not on its way to my doorstep.  It’s probably good that I’m becoming more aware of the line I’m walking and can put more attention to the role my love of packages arriving is playing in my life.  As I suppose the key to most things is balance and awareness.  Do I have other ways of finding joy and relieving stress?  Of feeling cared for and nurtured?  Can you become addicted to kissing a mini donkey?