As I mention every year in my posts around Thanksgiving, it’s my favorite holiday. I love the fact that it gets me thinking about gratitude and all that I have in my life. This year, for some reason, I’ve been feeling a great sense of gratitude for something that isn’t even a thing or a relationship. It’s a psychological tool very related and necessary for change: the ability to think and reflect. It truly is a remarkable ability that we all have available to us and something I tend to take for granted. But truly, the capacity to step back from a situation and self reflect is a precious gift that empowers us to shape our lives in ways that can be more fulfilling.
Sometimes when I spend time with my pets I’m a bit jealous of their universal state of being in the moment. I don’t imagine them worrying about what they said or did or thinking about how they need to do better. They react and respond with instinct and impulse, free from fretting about where next week’s hay is coming from (they have me to do that). When I’m with them, the joy of being in the present is so clear to me as I stroke their necks and scratch their bellies. But they also don’t count down to their birthday, look forward to a vacation, or feel a sense of awe at the occasional rainbow that forms over their pasture.
Our unique human brain power is not just about being able to recall the past or anticipate the future, but we can evaluate it. We can separate from our experience and consider it through our values and our intentions. We can shift our perspectives if we want to look at something in a different way. For example, I was lamenting with a coworker about the potential disasters that will affect healthcare and the people we serve. My colleague smiled and said, “yes, but that’s exactly why we’re here.” Wow. It made me feel empowered and energized rather than discouraged and drained. I had a skip in my step on the way to the clinic that day.
Our ability to reframe and interpret a situation in various manners is truly a Superpower. We have so much more control and can mold paths of opportunity out of roadblocks. Our mindset can totally drive our mood, our judgement, and our behavior. In that way, perhaps it is the key ingredient to resilience. Reflection helps us understand ourselves, our relationships, and gives us the opportunity to grow. And being such a powerful tool, we have to be careful with it. We can become too analytic or self critical if we overthink and allow ourselves to blend it with harsh judgment.
Self reflection should help us clarify our values and compare how our choices align with these values. We then have a chance to adjust in order to stay on the intended path. And with this, it gives us the chance to feel regret and take action on this. A good apology is not a weakness, but a wonderful chance to shape our relationships to fit our intentions. Self reflection, rather than tie us down, should give us freedom. We can reconsider and look at things from differing angles and interpretations.
I am lucky enough to witness it most every day in my work. At first, people are reluctant to go inside and turn over the burdens that feel so heavy to examine them more closely. But as they do, they gain insight and awareness that leads to a shift in their feelings and frees them from a sense of helplessness. They literally say things like, “I feel so much lighter,” or “I understand now” with a smile. It’s so miraculous, actually, how with just some time and purposeful attention, a shift in our thinking can have such an impact.
What a lucky thing we have this powerful tool at our disposal. Sometimes it takes a little training to be able to use it, and sometimes we need a little guidance to apply it skillfully, but it’s in our tool box all of the time. And we don’t even need to be near an electric outlet or need a charged battery to engage it. Self reflection, in fact, more than any possible tool you could find at Home Depot or on Amazon, can truly give us the ability to build bridges and tear down walls. Now that’s some beautiful home improvement!